took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
