you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
