May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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