P.S. I can't hear my feet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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