my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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