you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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