Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
