WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
