I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize