Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
