She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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