I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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