i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
