Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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