The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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