Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
