New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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