Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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