even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
