I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
