I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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