What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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