I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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