): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
