Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
