I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
