it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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