xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
