I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
