You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
