is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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