Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
