Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
