I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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