He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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