too bad you live with your parents still
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
