Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
