if i died would you start the facebook group?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
