you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
