Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
