My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came so hard my ears popped.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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