I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
