that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
