Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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