well I can't set my house on fire every night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
