he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
