If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
