Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
