My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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