We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
