guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
