In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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