Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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