my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
