puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So squirting runs in the family.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize