I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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