Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
