Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
