Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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