Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
