just come out here and I will go home with you...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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