weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think my mom watched the whole time
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
