Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
