Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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