I can't breathe out the right side of my face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
