I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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