Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
