Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
