what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
