All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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