Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
