I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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