ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
