I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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