party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize