You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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