Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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