Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
